Under Deconstruction Part 2

Wendy Duckworth Vance

Today is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, as described in Leviticus 23:26-32.  In the passage, God instructs the people of Israel to have a holy convocation (gathering), to deny themselves (fast), and to do no work because it is to be considered a Sabbath - a day of solemn rest.  Rest in the sense that the Sabbath is not merely resting the body, but refreshing the mind and spirit.  It is the culmination of the period known as the 10 Days of Repentance, 10 Days of Return, or 10 Days of Awe, which began with Rosh Hashanah (the Feast of Trumpets), considered the head of the year (new year) (Chabad.org, 2026).  Like the secular New Year, this is a time to cast aside the old year with all its ups and downs and look forward to a new year, hoping it will bring blessings, peace, restoration, etc.  Like our secular New Year, it is also a time of reflection: what went wrong, what went right, and what fell into the grey area. There is even partying, feasting, and blowing of a horn (shofar).  What is different? Well, for one, we are not depending on ourselves to keep a list of resolutions we made up for ourselves and just cheering the fact that we get a mulligan (do-over). It is a time of reflection not merely on what went right or wrong, or how I can improve my standing in this world (health, wealth, influence), but on our standing with God, acknowledging our disobedience (sin), and how we have or may have hurt others. During these ten days, we participate in Tashlich (casting our sins away, symbolized by casting bread on a body of water), making amends with others and making amends with God.  It is, in a sense, a time of deconstruction, and Yom Kippur is a day of restoration (reconstruction), a day in which we atone or become at one with God, as Jason Sobel stated in his book Aligning with God’s Appointed Times. For those of us who are believers in Yeshua, we understand that the Lamb who brought full and permanent atonement is Yeshua; therefore, this day is one of thankfulness for His grace and mercy at the cross, for He poured Himself out to redeem us, to give us eternal life and eternity with Him. In honor of His sacrifice, we take time to ask Him to abide in us and to reconstruct our character to be like His.

Like this shorter annual period of deconstruction and reconstruction during the 10 days between the start of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, some believers (myself included) go through longer periods of faith deconstruction.  As some authors I have read point out, these periods of deconstruction can have the adverse effect of leading some away from faith in Yeshua altogether (to be discussed in part 3); however, others point out that the re-examination or deconstruction of the faith that was imparted to many of us as children deepens our relationship with God.  Why? Because we ultimately discover that God and faith in Him are so much more than following rules, listening to “right” music, reading the “right” books, wearing the “right” clothes, being a “trad” wife, voting for the “right” party, hanging out with certain people and avoiding others.  Knowing God and being obedient to Him becomes less about what others see on the outside and more about what God sees on the inside - no longer being defined as a “good” Christian because you are meeting the standards of manmade institutions and doctrines, but rather because one is genuinely asking God to make me like You, Lord; make me a new creation in your image.  In so doing, one becomes obedient to God not out of compulsion or obligation to an institution, tradition (which may not even be Biblical), or the image others expect, but from a deep desire to be pleasing to Him - to be renewed or reborn in His image.

As discussed in the first post in this series, my first period of deconstruction led me to interact more deeply and, for me, more meaningfully with the Ruach Hakodesh (Holy Spirit). As noted, that period of deconstruction began when I was exposed to a non-denominational/more Pentecostal-leaning congregation.  My second period of deconstruction came from another period when I felt like I had it all together - I was going to pro-life rallies (peaceful and non-violent), voting how I was “supposed” to, speaking out about sin, going to Sunday services, and sharing the gospel with others. In short, I was going with the flow/meeting expectations.  But all the while, I was going through a phase in which I mostly felt empty.  This isn’t to say I had no connection with God, didn't feel His presence, had zero growth, or didn't have genuine worship, but there was a gap; the equation wasn't balancing for me.  Then one day in early 2010, I made a post on my social media page, and a friend of mine who is an atheist responded to the post and smacked me upside the head with a statement that rocked my whole world and punched me in my sense of rightness.  He said, “I can’t listen to you because you don’t even believe your whole holy book.”  At first, I was so mad I could have spit nails; how dare he say that? I was, after all, following the rules and doing all the “right” things - I was being a “good” Christian.  So I set out on a quest to prove I was right and he was wrong.  I mean, I had been taught that we didn’t need the Old Testament, after all the New Testament replaced the old, just as Christ followers had replaced the Jewish people as God’s chosen - right?  I reasoned that he was looking for an excuse not to believe.

This period of deconstruction - questioning previous learning, doctrines, and traditions quickly led from a quest to prove my “rightness” to a hunger and thirst for more.  My understanding of God’s Word began to bloom like flowers in a desert.  Scriptures that had seemed so mysterious began to make sense, and things that I had not seen before could no longer be unseen.  The stories, the festivals, the prophecies came alive as more than just a recording of history or future events; they became roots that connected me more fully to the vine.  I began to understand that in no way had New Testament believers replaced the Jewish people, but rather that we had been grafted into the vine of which they were already a part.  Yeshua had not replaced His people; He added us (Gentiles) to His family.  He had not destroyed the Law; in fact, it almost seemed that he had made it harder because it wasn’t about do this and don’t do that; it was about the condition of the heart not only toward Himself but toward our neighbor (which Yeshua describes in the parable of the Good Samaritan as all people regardless of factors such as race, faith, ability to repay, etc.).   He had fulfilled the sacrificial requirements for atonement so we could be forgiven for our sins.  This fulfillment of sacrificial requirements did not eradicate the law, for without it, how would we even know what sin or disobedience is, or understand why we needed forgiveness?

This deconstruction took me into the deepest water, where my feet failed, and I went to unknown places, and I wanted to go deeper. As a result, I converted to Messianic Judaism.  Yes, I was led away from the evangelical movement, but I did not leave Christ. Not only did I not leave Christ, but I feel that I have grown closer to Him.  Sure, my faith practice looks different than traditional Christian practices, and sure I have gotten some backlash over the years. Still, I would not trade one second of my deeper connection with Yeshua for anyone's approval or any system.  This deconstruction led me to the fresh air that is the Ruach Hakodesh, the same Ruach that breathed life into Adam breathed new life into me. For that I owe Him more than obedience for obedience's sake; I choose to give Him all of me because He is the lover and redeemer of my soul who first loved me.

I encourage you, dear reader, do not be afraid to question or look behind the curtain.  Yes, you are going to find some upsetting things there, but you will also find, under the layers of institution, tradition, and doctrine (the parts that man dictated or changed), the well of living water that is Yeshua. He alone has power, dominion, and Kingship. He does not need an army; He does not need us to grab the levers of power for any Earthly government - He is already enthroned as King of Kings.   Instead, He wants His children to sit at His feet, eager to learn, to love, and to be loved. Come, gather, and listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd.

References

Chabad.org. (2026). What is Rosh Hashanah? - The jewish new year, anniversary of the creation of Adam and eve, a day of judgment and coronation, and sounding of the shofar . . . @Chabad. https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/4762/jewish/What-Is-Rosh-Hashanah.htm